Hi hi hi,
I hope that you and your loved ones have been able to stay safe at home, sane and peaceful in your minds, and healthy healthy. I hope you wash your hands a lot, wear a mask whenever you leave your home, and aren't going to parties or something ridiculously social during this time! Please take care 💕
TL;DR COVID sucks, Nepal is not doing so well, I am doing really well though, cycling lots, I visited my childhood home, and meeting friends.
Important
I will be going to a silent meditation retreat from July 1-12 (ahhhhhhhhhh I will have to learn to be content with myself and have no distractions!!! ) and will not have access to my phone. Please if you contact me during that time, know that I'm not ignoring you... I'm probably deep in some enjoyable meditation exercise or deep in the struggle of pretending to meditate. I will get back to you after the retreat :)
Airport is not up and running yet in Nepal which is why I'm still here... I hope to be home early August (meet friends and some of you) and then head to college in Holland. We will see what happens!
short covid + lockdown + nepalese government update before I get into my experiences and everything
In Nepal, the formerly peaceful situation has rapidly disintegrated into a public health mess and a depressing display of political corruption and incompetency. Cases are exponentially rising- just a month ago, cases were close to 30. At the time I wrote this, cases are at 11,162 with a couple dozen deaths.
Though, the numbers are nothing compared to the current disasters in Brazil and the US, the sudden steep rise over a few days has stripped me of the make-believe pretense that Nepal would be the exception... that because of the deep spirituality of the place it would somehow magically be spared.
Unfortunately, the 3 month lockdown has been disastrous for the poor and has hurt the economy badly. The government has decided to open everything back up to allow the economy to breathe a bit and people's purses to grow a bit before the government will clamp down with another lockdown. The streets used to be patrolled by heavily armored army and policemen. Now when I go on my daily walk, theres no sign of guns or batons.
All I see is masses of colorful Kurtas and Saris, walking frighteningly close together, spitting, coughing, laughing, spewing all sorts of ish into the air. The suffocation of lockdown has ended; everyone wants to close their eyes and pretend we can go back to normal now.
The cases are mostly increasing due to the massive influx of Nepalese migrant workers formerly living and working in cities across India. As their funds started to run out and food became scarce (and as all public transport has been halted in India and Nepal) hundreds of thousands of Nepalese migrant workers cycled, walked, and rode for hundreds or thousands of miles in the back of produce trucks just to return home to Nepal. Once arrived in Nepal, they have to stay at these shitty, unclean so called "quarantine" facilities at the political border. I've seen the TV footage of men and women made to stand like goats on a field of grass...1 meter apart for hours on end as the scalding south asian sun beats down on them. The toilets they show on the TV are shared and unhygienic. People mingle together, sitting side by side, coughing, sneezing, and laughing in each others faces. Recently, there have been many reports of sexual harassment and rape against women staying in the government quarantine facility too. According to the news, there's no locks on the doors and night-time female guards are rare. There's not enough water and food for everyone; one man recently died of dehydration because he was ignored when asking for water at the quarantine facility. Staff have ignored people who complained of COVID symptoms.... they have died too. Many of the dead are young, healthy men from poor backgrounds, who, having returned from working in big Indian cities, die neglected in these dirty, unsafe quarantine facilities. Officials usually find out the men were covid positive only after they've passed away..... These places have become breeding grounds for the virus and unnecessary deaths.
If women and men don't feel safe in these facilities, what is to stop them from fleeing and returning to their villages, only to potentially infect their communities!? Why has it not been the government's priority to keep quarantine facilities clean and safe?
The unsafe, inhumane conditions of these quarantines (as well as the use of a cheap diagnostic test over the accurate PCR test) has caused massive protests across Kathmandu. (I ended up at one of these accidentally during my daily walk... photos attached!) That and the misuse of 10,000,000,000 NPR (roughly $USD 82,600,000) that supposedly went to preventative COVID-19 measures!!! The government has been very suspicious throughout this whole ordeal, not being transparent with their citizens. They still haven't released any official documents to prove how the money was spent. Most people I talk to think the money has landed in the politicians' purses and stomachs.... They've "eaten the money" as people here say. The regular corruption has instilled a mindset of freakish calm and indifference into Nepali people. Decades of neglectful monarchy, oppressive tyranny, civil war, and load-shedding of electricity have numbed the population and normalized corruption. "Ke garne" is a frequent statement you hear several times a day in reference to the government, meaning "what to do?!" or "what could we even do?"
People here are so used to the authorities neglecting them in times of need. So, it came as no surprise to many that the government would mishandle COVID-19 and misuse money. But, maybe the worst of it all isn't the apathy of the government to its own citizens- that's expected during disasters- what may be worse is the general apathy of the general public in the face of this crisis.
That's a really broad statement and there's exceptions of course. Many citizens are outraged and protesting (rightfully so!) but many more seem resigned to the notion of fate. Most people just don't seem afraid or cautious anymore. It eludes me how people do as they please, thinking we will be saved by some magical force!?? There is no proper healthcare system in Nepal, definitely not in most of the country (hilly and mountainous remote areas) and the hospitals in Kathmandu are already overwhelmed. Why do people act like nothing is happening? We should all be more worried. The pandemic's peak is nowhere close in site yet.
What have I been up to?
Everything about this insane situation (what do you even call this period of time... pandemic doesn't quite capture the complexity) seems so unreal that it feels easier to just tune out from all the news stories of ignorant and incompetent leaders and painful statistics of sickness and death.
While the world is in pain, I feel I have to hide myself in bubble wrap till this is all over. Maybe then after this is over can I/we really process the scale and depth of the pain.
I fully recognize the immense privilege to be able to turn away from these depressing news reports of hungry families and dirty quarantine facilities, but I relish in the delicious ignorance that I wrap myself in. In the past month, I've been (somewhat guiltily) fully enjoying my lockdown experience in Kathmandu.
Though I was just criticizing the idiotic ignorance of people who wish for normalcy and walk -mask-less!- on the street in droves, thinking the pandemic is over, I'm a bit of a hypocrite. I have to confess that I've been feeling deep quarantine fatigue and a renewed desire for "normalcy" and exploration. I've been going out, hesitantly at first on weekly then daily neighborhood walks, and then more confidently on weekly, biweekly, and then triweekly cycling expeditions.
As I gain comfort and confidence going out and staying safe, the lengths of my trips are reaching further and further, peeling through the onion-like layers of the city to unknown alleys, temples, neighborhoods, and suburbs. All of the time indoors has charged me like a battery, so when I leave the house to explore the city I feel like I'm being catapulted into space by a delirious fizzy bubbling in my chest.
I've been taking my camera along and taking lots of pictures as well. I've attached some to this blog (scroll to the bottom). I've also met up with a few friends (one from California even!) which feels AMAZING after no in-person social interaction for months. Lockdown has made me appreciate my friends and family so much more; we are so lucky to have people we love and trust in our lives! To be honest though, after being home all the time, meeting with friends is energy-consuming and draining like I've never felt before. I even forgot what the socially appropriate amount of eye-contact is and would blink lots and stare at the ceiling or floor awkwardly! HAHA... I also visited my dad and mom's close friends/ my surrogate grandparents last week, where I ate delicious pizza (for the first time in 3 months after Asian rice meals every day!) and spent the night. I also visited a friend of my parents who has been a pioneer in the micro-finance and rural women's empowerment sectors. The way she lives her life- a balance of day-to-day comfort and passionate purpose, both approachable casual and intimidatingly sharp- is incredible.
Last week I got lost during a cycling trip nearby and ended up at the front gates of a fancy hotel, close to my childhood home (kind of childhood home...I lived there from age 6-7 during my dad's sabbatical from Cal) I had this sudden urge to go back and see the house, maybe even go in and walk through the rooms. I dream of it often and find myself subconsciously going back to that year in my life. The day we left for the US when I was 7, I remember sitting on the stairs looking into the garden and (a bit theatrically) promising myself that I would be back to visit Nepal and the house when I was older. 11 years later, I found myself in front of the gate. Without even thinking about it, I hollered the names of the caretakers, hoping they still lived there. A girl my age opened the gate and my heart sunk. They must have moved, I thought. She asked who I was and when I said Manju her eyes widened in surprise and she told me to wait. The girl brought the caretaker with her, whom I fondly called Bimal Uncle when I was little. All of my social distancing etiquette melted away in that moment and all I could do was hug him! I was invited in and after lots of tea and catching up... (Quite the conversation to have: What have you been doing since you were 7?) I looked through the rooms of the house I remember so clearly. Surprisingly, my 7 year old self kept a pretty good record of the place in her mind. The house didn't look that different from the one in my memories. I sat on the step where I made that resolution 11 years ago as a tiny Manju to return here and I felt (again somewhat theatrically) like I came full circle, like I had made the former me proud by being here. I met another lady from my childhood in the home. Her name is Bindu and though she is deaf-mute, her face gives away all of her thoughts. When I was little I was pretty naughty so she used to threaten to beat me a lot, chasing me in the garden with a cactus as I shrieked and giggled. Now, when I saw her after so many years all of the fear I felt when I was younger evaporated and, again, all I could do was hug her.
A few weeks ago, I visited a friend who runs the non-profit collective for women with disabilities, EPSA. Check them out here: http://epsanepal.org/new/ The girls and young women, ostracized by their communities or neglected by their families, somehow find their way to this organization, where they are provided a safe place to stay, a loving community, and are trained in handicraft making and felting to earn a sustainable income. Again, so inspiring what people, especially women, are able to do and pull along others in the face of overwhelming adversity. Humans aren't all greed and prejudice; there's some good traits too!
One of the women at the organization felting balls to make crafts.
A girl about my age with a spinal deformity standing in front of the cabinet with felts
Even though it was just my second time visiting the space I was welcomed like a sister and fed a delicious lunch and (too many) tea and snacks. Every time I interact with these women, I am inspired by their strength and resilience. In the face of discrimination in their villages and in the city, these women have dealt with so much more than I can ever understand.
I ordered some 50 cloth masks from them, let me know if you would like to purchase one once I return home to the US.
In other news, today I went on an amazing bicycle expedition with a friend all around Kathmandu. First we head south to an old Newari village on the outskirts of Kathmandu valley. We cycled through muddy roads, splattering guck all over our pants. Up and down hills and slippery cement roads until we finally made it to the old Karya Vinayak temple. There was a wedding celebration at the temple, though we were oblivious at first in our mud splattered clothes as we took photos and walked around. As the embarrassing realization set in that everyone around us is dressed in fine saris and suits, I saw the bride and groom sitting side by side on two chairs, the bride shrouded in deep crimson head bowed in silence and the groom proud in a cream suit. It was just the first of 4 weddings that I saw that day! Then we turned north, on and on through sludgy muddy trails and crowded cement highways until we reached the Kathmandu Durbar Square, former residence of the former royal family. I enjoyed a hot glass of sweet, nutty chai as the rain drizzled down on me and my bike as I sat in the ancient courtyard. People, pigeons, and wood carved traditional buildings swimming together into one price-less memory. Then, back we went south again to Patan Durbar Square, the former residence of the medieval Malla royal family. (Weird trend... I must be obsessed with former royal families or something?) There I enjoyed the most delicious ice cream of my life, a cheap sickly sweet raspberry ice cream. Were it not for my exhaustion I probably wouldn't have even looked at it, but as my legs ached and sweat dripped in pearls down my face, it was the most beautiful ice cream I have ever tasted!
I'm not a big biker usually so I'm very proud of the 20 kms from my journey! You can't tell how steep it was from the map unfortunately.
All else is well.... I feel good mentally, though there are hard days for sure. I am learning how to cook Newari cuisine from my grandma. If you're (un)lucky when I'm back home I will cook something up for you! <3 I am continuing my adventures in gardening.... currently lots of beans in the garden. I am reading lots of books, currently A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry and Poor Economics by Abhjit Banarjee and Ester Duflo. I really enjoyed A Glass Palace by Amithav Ghosh and Behind the Beautiful Forevers by Katherine Boo too. I've been reading lots of nice short stories and trying to wrap my head around some poetry (Ocean Vuong's On Earth We're Briefly Goregous and Fatimah Asghar's If They Come For Us have been mindblowing!) I am still interning with a local rural empowerment non-profit and have been entrusted to create a curriculum for a girls empowerment project! It's coming along slowly but surely as I try to flesh out the details.... "empowerment" is such a buzzword these days and it seems like a lofty concept, but as I develop the girls curriculum I realize how nitty gritty empowerment truly is. It's about access to information about your body and your rights, developing confidence and leadership over time, building a community and a support network, and gaining useful employable skills... (probably lots else that I'm missing.) I'm also using Duolingo to learn some Hindi... Proud to say I can now marginally understand the Bollywood films my grandma watches... useful purposes only!
Thank you for sticking with this looooong post if you have. Here are some photos from the past weeks. If you scroll over there are small captions (restricted by word count unfortunately )
Take care,
Manju